You know what? Having depression + auditory processing disorder + kids that are extremely outgoing = overwhelming! I am constantly having an inner battle with myself, beating myself up for not enjoying being a mother more, for not rolling with the punches very well, for letting tiny things that don't really matter get me down. I wish I enjoyed being a housewife as much as I enjoyed being alone doing nothing at home, like some kind of hermit. I wish I enjoyed setting my stuff aside and getting down and dirty and rough with my boys. I wish I wasn't lazy, and that I could take pride in my accomplishments instead of just wishing I had some to be proud of. I get so frazzled, sometimes I want to cry when I wake up in the morning because I don't want to get up yet. I have to convince myself that, even though I'm a big bum, people love me and need me around - if I don't, I'll become this reclusive, mysterious creature that never goes anywhere or does anything with other people.
Sometimes I want a vacation from my life; I don't want to escape it permanently (so don't worry about that!), I just want to be gone long enough to miss what I have.
Sorry about the rant. This has been building up inside me for a while, and I knew if I didn't get it out, I'd either blow up or have some sort of internal meltdown.
