Political rant

This election needs to end. I try to not post or talk much about politics on Facebook (or at all, really), because it's SO divisive, and someone ends up being offended by someone else. I usually end up saying something that I perceive as being placating so that we all feel united more than divided, but someone comes and says (generally, not specifically, because passive-aggressive wins everything) that what I just said is wrong or invalidated because of *whatever reason*. And then, being the way I am, I don't have a good response. And I'm crushed that someone that doesn't know me well would say that's i'' a bad person because of something that's deeply ingrained into who I am.

And now you're looking at the screen looking all confused because you have no idea what I'm talking about. *sigh*

So my sister posted this guy's tweet on her Facebook. Since I can't seem to get it posted here while on my phone, I'm just going to tell you what it says: "One moral of this story is that the Republicans should have listened more to the Mormons, the party's designated drivers."

I thought it was funny, but then one of her friends said this: "I just like how republicans have spent the last 20 years, fostering and nurturing racism, xenophobia, lgbtqphobia and classism and have the audacity to act shocked by the current situation in their party." I was kinda taken aback. I'm generally a Republican, but had never seen myself as racist, afraid of people of other nationalities (and discriminating them for it), terrified of lgbtq people (and descriminating them for it), or classist. I try to be a good person and treat others the way I want to be treated. So I replied: "I think it's a little unfair to lump all republicans together that way. Just like there are many many good democrats, there are also many many good republicans who would give their left arm to help any people who fit the profile you described. I can't say I'm shocked by what's been uncovered about Trump, but I AM disappointed that someone of his low caliber has been chosen to represent the Republican Party. That is a huge reason I'm not voting for him."

Is that a bad way to say it? I thought I got my point across that there are good and bad people in every party, but that only some of those from each represent the worst of what they stand for. Or maybe I should'be just said that... Anyway, another girl replied to my comment saying: "I think the problem that the good people who call themselves republicans fail to either realize or fully understand is that the republican platform itself fosters those things Melody. You can't support the party without supporting those things. ;)"

The wink though. What does that mean? I'm already upset that she pretty much said that if you're a republican, there's no redeeming you because you're a horrible person. *sigh* Ok, I know that's not what she meant, and I'm taking offense where I'm sure none was intended. But honestly, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do now. I identify as Republican because that's the party that mostly sticks up for what I believe in - smaller government, smaller spending, less loopholes to jump through to live a decent life on your own terms, among other things. No party is perfect, and there are plenty of things the party stands for that I don't like.

And then there are the things I stand for because I believe God would have me stand for them. If people dislike what I stand for because of that, there's changing that because I won't bend to the pressure of my peers and go against what God has said. People can't take what God has said and say it's wrong just because they want it to be. Life doesn't work that way.

Ugh, I am NOT saying this how I'm meaning for it to be said!

What I'm saying is this: I'm a Republican. I've chosen to align myself with that party because it stands for a lot of things I believe in. Some people might align themselves with the party and do awful things, like be racists. That doesn't mean I am, right? What has the party itself done that makes them racist? Are there some regulations that make it more difficult for Latino Americans, or Asian Americans, or African Americans to do something? And how on earth did I personally have anything to do with that? No one party is perfect! No one PERSON is perfect.

I try to look at everyone available to be voted for and vote for the one that mostly fulfills what I want.  If that person ends up making bad choices, that does NOT make me a bad person.

Again, that's not what I meant to say. Grrr! Why is it so hard to say what I mean?

I think we all have similar goals, but we have different ways of getting to the end goal. We all want to be happy in life, and I want everyone else to be happy too. There may have been some bad results that came from good intentions (hence the racism, xenophobia, etc that has been seen over the last 20 years), but that is not more one party's fault than another, I don't think. If we're going down the sinkhole, it's because everyone has degenerated somehow, and we're all dragging each other down.

I don't know what to do. (And can I say I'm pretty glad no one reads this right about now?

Night Owl

Sometimes I get this insane idea while I'm lying in bed at night. Sometimes, I just want to stay up all night watching movies, reading a book, or doing something stupid on my phone. I wish I could do that, and then sleep in as late as I want the next day. How irresponsible, yet how delicious sounding!

I know I was meant to be a mother to my precious (and crazy) kids, but sometimes my brain and body fight my heart and try to tell me that it wants to be something other than responsible for other people.

You know what my brain and body tell me to do? They tell me to become a hermit and stay in my bedroom all day. And do absolutely nothing. That might sound lonely to some of you, but it sounds absolutely amazing to me at the moment.

Alright. Now that it's 12:40am, I'll be responsible and go to sleep. And I AM really tired. *sigh*

Self-incriminating confession of a not-so-great mom

I've determined that I need a vacation. Is it terrible that sometimes I want to take a vacation without my kids, or even Jason, coming along? Sometimes I want to go away, press a "reset" button, and come home feeling refreshed. And have 10 frozen meals in the freezer, the house completely clean, and completely behaving children.

I wake up every morning to screaming children. I walk out to the living room/dining room/kitchen, look around, and it looks like something blew up: last night's blankets are strewn throughout the room, cereal has been stepped on and smashed into the carpet (and whatever hasn't been smashed has migrated throughout the whole apartment), school papers have made their home over every single couch cushion, last night's dinner plates are still on the table, the kitchen hasn't been wiped down since... well, I can't remember.

Guys. I am SO tired. My almost-3-month-old is mostly sleeping through the night, but she still gets up a couple hours before I feel rested. Nothing ever stays clean. Nothing is ever done! So I ignore it because I'm too tired, and it gets worse and worse... and the baby is crying while I'm trying to clean, and my 5-year-old didn't get dressed so he's late to school, and the 2-year-old won't stop screaming until I pick him up, and I can'5 get the 7-year-old to get off the computer.

I keep telling myself I can do hard things, but I feel like I'm drowning. I'm not living up to what I'm supposed to be. I can't even get myself off the couch without wanting to cry about how much needs to be done. Like the dishes. People say that the chores can "be done later", to "just enjoy your kids", but I'be already put off doing the dishes for three days. We have no more clean bowls or forks, and there's a stink coming from the sink.

Tell me that this doesn't make me a terrible mom. Now that you know the truth - that I'm a combination of lazy and overwhelmed, that I can't seem to find the motivation to do much of my "job" as a stay-at-home mom, that I'd rather read a book than break up another fight - tell me that I'm doing a great job. Tell me that this season of life will also pass. Because I'm already berating myself and guilt fills me every time I fall short. Which is pretty much on a minute-by-minute basis.

Help.