Whining + Rejoicing

"I think you have a right to whine. [. . .] We all have the right to whine when life gets tough." -Nancy Werlin, Impossible 

Oh my gosh. I just have to whine for a moment.

I am 38 weeks and 1 day along in my pregnancy. I have less than two weeks until my due date, and all I can think is,

"Hallelujah!"

My back is killing me. Ever since I was about 16 weeks along, I have had sciatica pain in my right leg. It isn't constant, but man... It sucks. And then, about 10 weeks ago (or maybe more recently than that, I can't remember), my lower back started popping. Well, not even popping, more like... grinding? It's really disconcerting, and it HURTS. It's like the bones in my lower back are rubbing against each other. I need to tell the doctor about it at my appointment on Friday, because it happens almost every time I walk around now unless I'm extra careful to walk a different way.

Every time I stand up, I feel like I have to pee. This is a symptom of a good thing - Baby Boy is sitting REALLY low, which means he puts lots of pressure on my bladder whenever I stand up. Yay! But the frequent trips to the bathroom are really starting to get old.

And I'm just plain exhausted. Every morning, I wake up and just want to stay in bed all day. I hit a brick wall every day right around noon where I get so sleepy, I'd rather sleep than eat, which, if you know me well, you know that's a big deal. I love eating; food is one of my favorite things.

The last thing (at least for this list) that I'll complain about is the overall general BLAH feeling - I don't feel sick, I just feel not good. Does that make sense?

Alright, enough of that.

Today is the first day of

AUTUMN!!!

In celebration of my favorite season, here are some lovely pictures from the internet:

Improving my skeeeels

"What more do you need besides a crochet project and some hot cocoa?" -ChompCake

Over the last year, I've decided I want to be better at crocheting. So, I made the boys hats for Christmas last year, and I made Andrew a scarf as well. Nothing too special, but I'd never made hats before, so I was really proud of myself. Honestly, I couldn't have told you the difference between one stitch and another before I made those hats, so I was actually really impressed with myself. Haha!

But now, I've learned how to do a lot. Well, not a LOT a lot, but I've learned some things over the last year. Pretty fun stuff! So I decided to make the baby in my belly a blanket, a couple hats, and some booties.

Pattern HERE

Pattern HERE

Pattern HERE

Huh. I guess I didn't put the picture of the booties on the computer, outside of what I put on Facebook. (And apparently that's not a valid URL or something? Eh. I don't pretend to know how technology works.) Anyway, if you're wanting to take a look at the cute booties and make them too, HERE is the URL for the original poster's picture - I made mine without the flowers - and the pattern.

Anyway, I think they're really cute.

Now I want to crochet

ALL THE THINGS!!! 

Haha! I just keep finding all these cute patterns and all these things I want to make, and it really is a shame that I don't have the money to buy all the different colors and types of yarn to make all the stuff I want to make: cute hats, infinity scarves, cowls for kids and adults, blankets, mittens, booties, cardigans and sweaters... Ahhh!

Anyone want to buy me a huge bag full of yarn? I could make you something cute...?

Going crazy

Sheesh. Between non-consistent and random uncomfortable contractions and David's attitude (terrible two's CAN come a year and a half late!), I might go to the hospital today. Not to have a baby, but for my

SANITY!

Birthday Dinner - I'm Stuffed!

"Birthdays are nature's way of telling you to eat more cake." -Jo Brand

Sometimes, after I've eaten a lot of food and I'm really full, it's hard to tell the difference between just being stuffed, the baby pushing out on my stomach in a really uncomfortable way, or Braxton Hicks contractions. That can't be good, can it? Haha!

Anyway, we went to Max & Erma's, and I ate a lot. And I got a cookie with my dinner, plus a free banana cream pie for it being my birthday. (It was huge. And I shared it, because I was already full from my dinner!) I ate a LOT for not having much stomach space left, thanks to Baby Boy. He seems to be pretty happy that I ate so much, though. He keeps stretching out and punching me.

Part of the reason we went to Max & Erma's is because kids eat free there on Tuesday nights. What was really cool about this particular location is that they have a magician that comes in on Tuesdays to entertain the kids! He sets up his little table right by your table and performs his tricks right there in front of you. It was really fun! Andrew about died because he thought it was so awesome. We left the restaurant with him exclaiming, "I love him! He was so awesome! I love magic! This is the best day EVER!" I was laughing for the longest time.

I would say that this birthday has turned out pretty well. :)

Birthdays

"The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of a mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one." -J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

Today, suddenly, I'm only 2 years away from being 30. It's funny how badly, when you're small, you want to grow up. Then you find yourself grown up, and it's not as great as you thought it would be. I mean, I love my life and where I am, but the bills and being in charge of everything really isn't all it's cracked up to be, is it? Haha.

27 brought a LOT of changes. We were emptying boxes in our new apartment in Northern Kentucky this time last year. Jason started his current job on my actual birthday last year. I started working with the Young Women at church, and Jason started working with the missionaries. We moved from one apartment to another. Then, after struggling for a year and a half, we got PREGNANT! Andrew started kindergarten, which he'd been wanting to do for the last year. And now we're here!

I'm not sure what this year will hold; if there's anything I learned from this last year, it's that Heavenly Father has His own plan, and that sometimes the best-laid of my plans don't matter as much as His. He has His own timing, and we need to learn to be flexible, something that's hard for someone like me who loves planning ahead. I guess, at this point, I just want to live well. Life doesn't have to be full of adventure and crazy things; I just want my life to feel fulfilling. You know what I mean?

So. Here's to 28! Pray for me that it turns out well. :)

My Favorite Season

"Autumn is a second Spring when every leaf is a flower." -Albert Camus

"I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers." -L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

Why can't it be Autumn yet? The weather has cooled off here the last couple days (it's not going to last through the weekend though. *sobs*), and it's been magical. Suddenly, the AC was turned off, the windows were opened, I was able to wear some of the cool-weather maternity clothes I've been neglecting...

Only a few more days until my favorite season begins. Hurray!

I just need the cooler weather to stay. I need to be able to have pumpkin and apple everything. I need the fall colors. I need the football! I need to have my baby! I need Halloween and Thanksgiving. (And then CHRISTMAS!!) I just need Autumn here.

Too bad this baby isn't a girl. Maybe I would name her Autumn. How perfect would that be?

New Calling

"Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world." -Nelson Mandela

First off, if you don't know what a Mormon is, please click HERE. It will help explain a lot of things I won't be covering in this post.

Anyway, I'm a Mormon, and in our church, we function on the volunteer hours of is members. Most people are given a position to fill at church on a volunteer basis for a period of time (months, years) to make sure the church runs the way it's supposed to and everyone gets taken care of. That position is called a "Calling".

I got a new calling today. I was serving with the young women, aged 12-18, and I loved it. It was a challenging calling, but I felt like I was finally starting to make some headway with some of the girls. My new calling scares me. I am the new primary music leader. Primary is the organization in the church for children age 3-11. Now, I'm confident in my musical abilities and my voice, there's really no problems there. What scares me (get ready for this) are the children!

"Children scare you?" I can hear you scoffing from miles away, believe me. But let me explain.

1. I'm very pregnant. As of tomorrow, I'll have three weeks left. So I'm lacking energy, plus I'll very soon be missing a lot of church. Not only that, but the primary program, a yearly program the children put together, is next month, and I have no idea what I'm doing! Ahh! Am I going to miss the program? Are the children musically ready for the program? I have no idea.

2. I can barely contain my own two boys; how am I going to keep control of a BUNCH of rowdy kids for 20ish minutes? Am I creative enough? Fortunately, the program splits up the younger kids and the older kids, so I won't have to keep them ALL entertained at once, but whoa.

3. I have realized that I'm not a very creative person. I like things to be straightforward and to the point, but others, especially kids, don't learn well that way. It's going to take a lot of energy, patience, and perseverance to figure out what works and what doesn't.

Ok, so I've told you I'm scared. But I also am excited. Music time in primary was my favorite as a child. Pretty much all I remember from my time in primary myself was from music time. What I'm hoping for is this: that the little kids will learn to like to sing, and will sing along and participate when I ask. Hopefully they'll also learn the words and will be enthusiastic about music time! For the older kids, I'm hoping that as they learn new songs, they'll be able to think about the words they're singing and try to learn from them. I know - big hopes there, but I think they can do it. They're smart, and Heavenly Father sent them here because they're smart and strong. I want to build their testimonies through the music.

Oh boy. Heaven help me. I'm sure I'll figure it all out soon, I just feel like right now is kind of a crazy time to switch into this calling... Hopefully the next month or two with my baby and the program will be as hectic as it gets for a while! I'll try to keep you updated.

Why not?

I've decided that I love Taylor Swift. I mean, I've always enjoyed her music, but what I'm talking about is just HER. She's awesome.

Why can' we be best friends? You don't think she'd mind hanging out with my rowdy boys, do you? Haha!

Oh dear.

Sheesh!

The whining ends some day, right?

And why do children have to break down and throw fits most often in public places? It makes me feel like people are judging me...

Rant

"My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for 20 minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual." -Phyllis Diller

Ok. So. I know I don't get on here, like, at all anymore. And I'm ok with that. But I just have random thoughts that I don't think would be appreciated elsewhere. I don't want all my friends on Facebook to see everything I say. I also feel like I'm taking over pregnancy boards on different websites just to say random stuff that no one seems to care about.

So... Here's what I've decided.

Whenever I have a random thought or want to say something and get it off my chest but don't want to burden other people unnecessarily with those things, I'll post it here.

To give a little background (since it's been a while), Andrew started kindergarten just about a month ago. David is home still. I'm 36 weeks pregnant with another BOY. Really didn't see the boy thing coming again. I was really hoping for a girl! I really AM happy with my life and how things are going.

But 1. Andrew has had a few times at school where his behavior was an issue. I guess, considering I'm his mother and know him really well, this shouldn't surprise me. He's gotten in trouble for talking too much during learning time. I'm just irritated that it's happened three times in one month already. I mean, seriously? I have THAT kid. We've decided that whenever he gets moved to "yellow" - like a yellow light - he gets privileges for screen time at home taken away. I'm just crossing my fingers that it works. He knows we're disappointed with his behavior when the teacher writes a note to us, so I'm hoping this fixes things.

2. David is, for the most part, my chill little guy. He goes with the flow a lot, which I love, and honestly need! After having Andrew, I was scared to have another baby for fear he/she would be exactly like Andrew. I love Andrew, but I can only take one of him at once. Seriously. Anyway, lately, David has taken to being really stubborn about his potty training especially, but other things as well - food, tv, looking at pictures on my phone, his toys... it's driving me nuts.

3. I'm READY for this pregnancy to be over. I keep feeling like this little guy might come early, but I'm not sure if that's the Spirit telling me to get myself prepped soon, or if that's just wishful thinking on my part. I'm just tired. The apartment looks like something blew up inside it, I can't keep up with all the chores, and keeping my brood of boys fed seems beyond my capabilities right now. I just want to sleep all the time! Or sit! I'm sore or cracking body parts or limping or needing to pee every time I get up. And then when I'm sick of everything not getting done, I make a day of trying to change that, and I get sooooo exhausted by the end that I leave everything be for a few days... and we're back to where we began - with a bomb's aftermath in here. So tired.

Sorry for the ranting and complaining, but I actually do feel better having that off my chest. I love being a mom, I'm so grateful I'm pregnant, I'm thankful for all the things we have. But it's also alright to have these feelings. They're natural! Anyone who goes through life only sharing the good things is, in a way, lying about their life to everyone else. Life isn't always sunshine and roses; life is HARD.

Good thing the hard things are worth all the great and wonderful things, right? :)

There. Rant finished. Back to life!