Ok, guys. This is such a sad fact to share, but I am so happy, it makes me want to skip around my apartment:
The TV hasn't been turned on today.
Sure, Andrew's played a few games on my phone instead (ugh), but really, this is a huge accomplishment.
I have to admit that most of the time as a mother, I have no idea what I'm doing. I think after having Andrew, I had a bout of postpartum depression, and I still struggle some days where things feel terrible. I should probably get that checked out... So a lot of the time, I end up reading books for a long time, or taking longer on the computer than I should, or getting lost in the pile of laundry that needs to get done (and focusing on it too much). It's like because I don't know what to do with the boys (or I don't have the energy), my brain shuts down. It's too much to contemplate. I've let the boys fend for themselves much too frequently, hence the TV time.
I'm trying to mend my ways. Today, I've done a load of laundry - hurray for poopy underwear! - done a load of dishes because no more bowls or spoons can be a problem, and discovered a new "sauce" to make for pasta. But I've also gotten down on the floor to play with Andrew's cars with him. I've chased David around. I took Andrew outside to play while Jason studied at home during David's nap time. I took the boys out to our complex's pool, and spent the majority of the time chasing the boys around the pool.
I know that probably sounds like a normal day to you, and it probably is. But I've started to see what my behavior is doing to my kids, and I don't like it. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself, and start being a mother. And today, I hope, is just the beginning of that.
Day 7 - Do you read? What are your favorite books?
As you saw from what I just said, yes, I do read. A lot. A lot more than I probably should. Thank you, Goodreads, for making me an addict again.
As for my favorite books, that's a hard one. I've come across a lot of really good books in the last couple years, so it's hard to narrow them all down. And there are some REALLY good books out there that I would say were very masterfully written, but they're not my favorites, so that's a hard question to answer.
Let's see... there's:
- Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling
- Tiger's Curse series by Colleen Houck
- Austenland and The Goose Girl by Shannon Hale
- The Truth About Forever and Along For The Ride by Sarah Dessen
- Divergent series by Veronica Roth
I know there are tons more, but really, I don't want to take more time looking them up when I can be playing with my boys.
Secret: Sometimes, I wish that friends were easier for me to make. When I was younger, I used to make friends easily and quickly, but as I've grown older, I've been jaded by lost friendships and hard times. I have a hard time letting people in, unless they approach me and almost spell out that they want to spend time with me and be my friend. Is that sad?
Ooh, love your blog background and everything! Love gray and yellow!
ReplyDelete1) I don't think I ever had postpartum depression, but sometimes I feel like I'm leaving Kaelyn to fend for herself a lot too. I let her watch Sesame Street every day (but only after her nap) but some days I feel like I need to keep her occupied and that's the only way to do it.
What I really hate is when I realize that the things that she asks to do is watch TV, play on my computer, or be on my phone. Seriously, I'm teaching this kid the wrong thing (I'm not the only one here--Jared too!). We're doing better too but that doesn't mean that it's easy.
Perhaps your increased exercise is one thing that's helping. I'm always in a better mood and get more things done when I make sure to exercise! If I miss most of a week, my body can tell and my attitude and actions show it.
And with your secret... AMEN. The people who are married with kids are pretty much all older than me. And if they're not, they act older than I feel like I am so I still feel like I don't fit in. The people I get along best with are the people who I was friends with growing up. Being married and having kids certainly change things. I don't think it's sad. I think it just has to be made a priority even when it's hard.
I know exactly how you feel about books. As for friends, I've never been good at making them, but I am glad that we still keep in touch. You are really the only one from freshmen year that I do keep in touch with. Love ya!
ReplyDeleteOh motherhood is hard, isn't it? Hard to make decisions about how you want to raise your kids and when to start and it is hard to know HOW to play with them! So know that we are probably ALL feeling this way to some extent. :)
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