Poetry

"A poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness." -Robert Frost

Have you guys ever heard of Xanga? Well, I hardly recognize it now, but when I was in high school, it was a popular site for kids my age to blog on. Every once in a while, I'll go back to my old Xanga blog and read some of my old posts. It was hard to go back to the beginning of my blog because they didn't have a calendar on there for a long time, but they finally put one up!

It's kinda fun to look back at my old posts and see how much I've changed, and yet how much I'm the same.

Anyway, I stumbled upon an entry where I posted a poem I had written at some point. I posted it in 2004, and I'm assuming I wrote it around then. I wanted to share it here, partly to get your opinions, and partly so I wouldn't lose it. Tell me what you think.

Insomniac

I can't sleep at night

Your face comes back to me

Every time I close my eyes

Your smile haunts me

While I toss and turn

When I start to doze

The tears roll down your face

And I snap awake, my own cheeks wet

I can't sleep at night

I won't let myself sleep

Because when I do

That's when the nightmare begins

That's when I see you turn

And walk away from me forever

I guess I'm a voluntary insomniac

Because I slept just fine

Until I let you go

Kinda sad, huh? At that point in my life, I didn't even have personal experience with this! But I had some really strong emotions that I think I was kinda repressing - a depression of sorts, and a fear of sharing myself with others because I felt ditsy and silly when I opened my mouth (I had a tendency to speak before thinking, therefore saying some really stupid stuff). I wrote a lot of sad poems. They seemed to come easily to me.

Do you guys write poetry? Or did you when you were younger?

Secret: I used to write poetry ALL THE TIME. I really wish I had held on to more of it...

Ok, that's not much of a secret. Here's one (sorry it's long...):

Secret: When I was in 7th or 8th grade, I had a lesson in Young Women's where we wrote a letter to ourselves, then sealed it in an envelope that we weren't supposed to open until we turned 18 or graduated high school or started college or something. Some future date. Anyway, I loved the idea of writing to myself a lot, knowing I would understand how hard things were for me when pretty much no one else would. So. Instead of writing just the one letter, I wrote a LOT of letters to myself over a period of probably 4 years and kept them all in a manila envelope in my room. I wrote my deepest secrets I felt I didn't have anyone else to tell, I wrote about the exciting things happening in my life, my embarrassments, my pain. Now, in all honesty, I can't say where that envelope is. I wish I did. I probably threw it away, which at the time probably would have made sense in my head because I wouldn't want ANYONE to find it and know who I really was... But now I wish I had it again.