"I was an angst-y journal writing kid." -Justin Halpern
Do you guys keep a journal? Or do you ever go back and read old blog entries? Like, REALLY old blog entries?
I kept a journal when I was younger. I wasn't really ever good at it, except for a period of about a year or two. My current journal has writing up to page 80-something, and my first entry when when I first found out I was pregnant with Andrew. Yes, that would be 4+ years ago.
I mentioned in a previous blog post that I stumbled upon my old blog on Xanga.com. I don't know why, but I am totally caught up in the old things I wrote. Unfortunately, not a whole lot is really left of all my blog entries, because I went through and deleted a lot my freshman(ish) year of college because I was afraid of people finding out my personal information and scamming me. What's funny is that blogging is a LOT more popular now, I'm using a really popular blogging site where my blog is not private, and my old Xanga account hasn't been touched by practically anyone since I stopped using it a few years ago. Most people don't even know the site exists. I shouldn't have been worried about it.
Anyway, I've been spending some time going through my blog from oldest entry to newest, and I'm almost having an identity crisis. The way I wrote down how things were going is not quite how I remember them going from my personal memory. See, THIS is exactly why you need to have a journal - so you'll remember things more accurately! Ok. Not only that, but I was a much cooler person back then than I am now. I was really positive a lot of the time. I always had a smile on my face. I thought I had a hard time making friends, but then I look at the comments, and I had a LOT of friends in high school! I wish I had appreciated them more.
I'm not sure exactly what I'm trying to get at. Except maybe this: I sometimes wonder if the person who wrote those blog entries so many years ago would be disappointed with the person I am today. Because today, I feel like a whiny, tired, negative, lazy little girl who gets down on herself way too much.
What do you do to turn yourself around? If you find yourself whining, what do you to do help change your attitude? When you want to be lazy all the time (and I mean ALL the time), what do you do to get yourself motivated to get up and do something? Because I need help - help measuring up to the person I wanted to be when I was younger.
If you're interested in taking a peek into my life as a high school student, HERE is my very first blog post on my Xanga. To get to the more interesting posts (give it a month or two of entries - don't worry! There aren't a ton), click on the "newer" link at the top of the entry.
No secret today. If this whole entry isn't a secret, I'm not sure what is.
Ah! I had Xanga too, but I can't remember my user name for the life of me! I totally feel the same way! It is a cycle though. The only way I can get out of it is to do the service challenge. Everyday I do one act of service for anyone, small or big. It sounds simple, but its hard when you are overwhelmed with little ones, but it works, I promise! That is neat you found your blog! Id love to see the stuff I wrote back then. I am pretty sure mine was silly and not that positive back then. I tend to only write when Im mad!! lol
ReplyDeleteI find that when I'm lazy, irriatable, and thinking too much about me, doing service for others turns me around...I am happy and am up and doing and it makes me feel good. I bake bread or make a meal or babysit or just be a listening ear...
ReplyDeleteSo the two people who commented before me are a lot better people than I am because they serve others first... but the things I do to get myself motivated again are: read Sister Hinckley's "Letters" book; watch You've Got Mail or Father of the Bride; write a list of people I admire and their exact qualities I want to become; do something small for myself like paint toenails, use a fun face mask, etc. Then once I'm feeling like I can give something of myself to others, then I usually turn to baking cookies for neighbors and thinking of who I can serve. You need a little something for yourself, you can't give ALL of your energy to others and your children or you'll get exhausted!
ReplyDeleteOh, and you are still a really good friend, not just when you were in high school! I always thought you seemed so easy to get along with and you made friends really fast in our ward. I still think of how brave you were to ask me to do things with you, I'm trying to be more like you and make people feel comfortable like you did with me!
HAHAHA last night amanda was reading me an old xanga post of hers and we were laughing. it's so nice to go and look back at that stuff, even if just for a good laugh!
ReplyDeletei was SO good a keeping journals for some reason, i have a box of at least 20. and now i keep them online in my email drafts because it's easier and then just print it off when there are a ton. genious.
Okay, now I have to figure out my old Xanga. But something I'v discovered to always make me feel good and more positive is (don't shoot me) working out. I know, I know how do you get motivated to work out? Well, it's one of those you just have to do it things. It doesn't even have to be a lot. 20 minutes of yoga or a 30 minute walk (walk walk not a mosey walk) is enough. It makes you feel energized, accomplished, and ready to tackle some other things that you might have been putting off. It helps me anyway. Haha. Also, I would never call you negative, just so you know. You're awesome.
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