So, I have a confession to make. I love keeping up with people and what they're doing with their lives. I check back on here a couple times every day to see if anyone has updated their blogs... and then I don't update my own. It's like I love hearing about other people's lives, but don't necessarily love sharing the details of my life.
Now, I really don't mind sharing the details of my life... it's just that when everyone else updates, their lives seem so fun or exciting, and mine just... doesn't. I go to school twice a week for two classes, I stay home and clean the house and take care of Andrew. And while Andrew is very interesting, I am afraid that I am not. :( I don't have much to say, and the little that I could say, I'm sure, would not be very inspiring. This is why I only update about once a week - I have to group all the interesting things from a week together.
I guess I could talk about how I feel:
-exhausted
-hungry
-happy
-excited
-lonely
-proud (of Andrew and Jason)
-sleepy
-disappointed
-calm
-Etc.
Would that be of interest to you? Perhaps for now I'll write about one feeling: lonely.
My sister, Susette, recently wrote on her blog about how when she was younger, she made friends easily, but now that she's married, she has a hard time making friends. I must admit, I feel the exact same. I have a couple friends, mostly another couple from our ward, that we hang out with every once in a while, but outside of them, I don't have anyone I feel I can just call and talk to or invite over to watch a movie or play a game or go for a walk on a whim. In the past, I had problems with friends abandoning me, and not only am I not good at making friends now as a result, I'm afraid of being abandoned again, so it's like a double wammy. I want to make friends so badly, but then I'm scared of making them because I'm afraid I'll lose them or they just plain won't be interested in being friends with me.
Also, being able to be home with Andrew is wonderful, but with Jason going to school full-time and working, I don't get to see him too often when he's not worried about homework. I talk in a high-pitched "mommy voice" all day long. I need some adult conversation! You know, the kind that's not centered on the other person's spit-up and pooping habits.
Anyway, I've been feeling like this for a while, and I've talked to Jason about it, and he says I just need to reach outside my shell and invite someone over or invite someone to do something with me. I know I should, but it's like I need to know that they want to hang out with me first, because I don't want to be a waste of their time, you know? It's hard.
*sigh* Anyone else there with me?
Now, I really don't mind sharing the details of my life... it's just that when everyone else updates, their lives seem so fun or exciting, and mine just... doesn't. I go to school twice a week for two classes, I stay home and clean the house and take care of Andrew. And while Andrew is very interesting, I am afraid that I am not. :( I don't have much to say, and the little that I could say, I'm sure, would not be very inspiring. This is why I only update about once a week - I have to group all the interesting things from a week together.
I guess I could talk about how I feel:
-exhausted
-hungry
-happy
-excited
-lonely
-proud (of Andrew and Jason)
-sleepy
-disappointed
-calm
-Etc.
Would that be of interest to you? Perhaps for now I'll write about one feeling: lonely.
My sister, Susette, recently wrote on her blog about how when she was younger, she made friends easily, but now that she's married, she has a hard time making friends. I must admit, I feel the exact same. I have a couple friends, mostly another couple from our ward, that we hang out with every once in a while, but outside of them, I don't have anyone I feel I can just call and talk to or invite over to watch a movie or play a game or go for a walk on a whim. In the past, I had problems with friends abandoning me, and not only am I not good at making friends now as a result, I'm afraid of being abandoned again, so it's like a double wammy. I want to make friends so badly, but then I'm scared of making them because I'm afraid I'll lose them or they just plain won't be interested in being friends with me.
Also, being able to be home with Andrew is wonderful, but with Jason going to school full-time and working, I don't get to see him too often when he's not worried about homework. I talk in a high-pitched "mommy voice" all day long. I need some adult conversation! You know, the kind that's not centered on the other person's spit-up and pooping habits.
Anyway, I've been feeling like this for a while, and I've talked to Jason about it, and he says I just need to reach outside my shell and invite someone over or invite someone to do something with me. I know I should, but it's like I need to know that they want to hang out with me first, because I don't want to be a waste of their time, you know? It's hard.
*sigh* Anyone else there with me?
PS. I tried to post this photo a while ago, but it wouldn't let me. It makes me laugh every time I see it though, so I decided to share it:
This is what I call Andrew's "fat face". His face really isn't that fat, it's just the angle! Any picture taken from below someone's chin is unattractive, let's face it, but this one is CUTE! And funny. Enjoy!
So... I totally know what you're going through! I ALWAYS bring this up to Nate, and well he really isn't one to want to go out and make friends. He would rather stay at home and hang out with me than anything else. Don't get me wrong, I love hanging out with him, but I'm in the same boat as you. He works all day everyday, and I like you, speak to a child whose vocabulary is all of about 10 words. I love it, but at the same time I need friends too. We should be friends?! We go for walks at Porter Park almost everyday, you should come. Has Andrew any interest in the splash park? He could just sit in one of the small sprinkler things and splash. My problem with finding friends, is finding good ones. Just recently I had a friend, or who I thought was a friend, say some very mean things about me behind my back. She lied to my face over and over and I never knew about it. I was and am still so hurt over it. It sucks! It's like she has no heart... So now I don't trust people so well! (208) 319-4323 That's my number if you ever want to get together and hang out. I know our boys are at different stages, and in about 2.5 weeks I'll have a newborn, but you should know, Mommy's still need to have fun too!!
ReplyDeleteI have a solution! Move to Salem. :-D
ReplyDeleteEven though I am around people all day, having friends is definitely different. Everything is just different once you're married. One important thing to try and do is when you go to church or other events, talk to the people around you. Get to know people. Eventually it may lead to something, you never know.
Now. I also know the feeling of having no idea what to write. I have a friend who writes no matter how interesting she thinks it is to others. And it's not a bad thing to talk about Andrew. He's pretty much your entire life so you'll have lots to say about him.
Melody, i feel this same way at times too. It really is different when you get married. Just keep trying to reach out. Most people in your ward, who are married are probably feeling the EXACT same way as you do. Does your relief society do get together's like reciepe swaps, or mom groups? You should try going to those types of things and you will for sure meet someone great! Your great, and of course people would want to get to know you. I personally haven't had the chance to get to know you as well as i would like, but I really want to! you can give me a call anytime, even though i live in utah! Good luck with little andrew! love you!
ReplyDeleteMelody, this is Mel and I'm here in Rexburg and you can call me anytime. I miss hanging out with you!! My number has changed. It's 208-716-1396 give me a call!!
ReplyDeleteoh my gosh melody--i know EXACTLY what you mean! i am there with you! man if i were near you, i'd hang out with you. i always feel the same way...it is harder for some reason or another, and i think it's b/c you don't have roommates and that social life of living in the apartments and meeting people thru classes. when you're married you really do have to learn how to just get over yourself and hang out with anyone. don't think about what they think, just be yourself and be kind. others will be open to it, i promise. i'm working on it too--it helps to know there are others going thru the same thing!
ReplyDelete